My current emphasis: how to make good habits and break bad ones (really)

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How to boost your happiness by keeping a list of your “Things I’ve Learned So Far” or “Secrets of Adulthood” or “Notes to Self” or whatever.

KnowledgeA thoughtful reader sent me a link to Eric Zorn’s fantastic post, 50 things I’ve learned in 50 years, a partial list in no particular order. It’s a great read – amusing and thought-provoking.

His “50 things list” reminds me of my Twelve Commandments and my Secrets of Adulthood (in the left-hand column and reprinted below). His list is a mixture of admonitions for behavior and nuggets of hard-won wisdom (e.g., “cough syrup doesn’t work”).

On his excellent blog, Bob Sutton has a list of “Fifteen Things I Believe” which is a similar approach to trying to make sense and sum up experience.

Distilling your life wisdom into a list is certainly fun, and it’s also a happiness-booster. Every time I re-read my own list, I’m reminded of what I’ve identified as important lessons for myself. For example, probably not a day goes by when I don’t remind myself, “It’s okay to ask for help.”

And I love reading other people’s lists. Some highlights from Eric Zorn:

–It’s better to sing off key than not to sing at all.
–Promptness shows respect.
–Cough syrup doesn’t work.
–The Golden Rule is the greatest moral truth. If you don’t believe in it, at least try to fake it.
–Keeping perspective is the greatest key to happiness. From a distance, even a bumpy road looks smooth.
–Don’t waste your breath proclaiming what’s really important to you. How you spend your time says it all.
–Wounds heal faster under bandages than they do in the open air.
–In everyday life, most “talent” is simply hard work in disguise.
–Great parents can have rotten kids and rotten parents can have great kids. But even though biology plays a huge role in destiny, that’s no excuse to give up or stop trying.
–Four things that most people think are lame but really are a lot of fun: barn dancing, charades, volleyball and sing-alongs.
–When something that costs less than $200 breaks and it’s not under warranty and you can’t fix it yourself in half an hour, it’s almost certainly more cost-effective to throw it out.
–The 10-minute jump start is the best way to get going on a big task you’ve been avoiding. Set a timer and begin, promising yourself that you’ll quit after 10 minutes and do something else. The momentum will carry you forward.
–Exercise does not take time. Exercise creates time.
–The store-brand jelly, cereal, paper goods, baking supplies and pharmacy products are good enough.
–When you’re not the worst-dressed person at a social event, you have nothing to worry about.
–Your education isn’t complete until you’ve learned to take a hint.

I think the most important of my Twelve Commandments are:
• Be Gretchen.
• Act as I would feel.
• No calculation.
• There is only love.

My Secrets of Adulthood include:
• Most decisions don’t require extensive research.
• Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
• Even if you think they are fake holidays, it’s nice to celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
• If you can’t find something, clean up.
• The days are long, but the years are short.
• Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
• It’s okay to ask for help.
• You can choose what you do; you can’t choose what you LIKE to do.
• What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
• You don’t have to be good at everything.
• Soap and water removes most stains.
• It’s important to be nice to EVERYONE.
• You know as much as most people.
• Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
• Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
• What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you–and vice versa.
• People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
• Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.

I’ve also been meaning to add “Go outside” to my list. I’m always looking for new Secrets of Adulthood, or personal commandments, so along with Eric Zorn’s, I’d love to hear any proposed additions.

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I love anything to do with reading and writing, and Dark Party is a cool online magazine about just those subjects. They dub it “literate blather” but it’s hardly blather. The folks there were nice enough to do an interview with me. They also ran a terrific post where they asked a bunch of people “What book changed your perspective on life and why?” I named Wayne Kostenbaum’s Jackie Under My Skin — though once I started thinking about it, the list started to grow and grow. I added several books to my library list after reading the post.

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