My current emphasis: how to make good habits and break bad ones (really)

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Story: Everyday Life in Utopia.

This week’s video story: Everyday life in Utopia.

 

How I love this phrase! I want to tattoo it on my ankle, paint it on the wall above my desk, and wear it on a T-shirt. Everyday life in Utopia! This is my new motto.

I’d told my daughter about the word “utopia” and what it meant. Some days later, I was reading aloud to her from Madeline L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time. I explained that Camazotz, in the book,  was a “dystopia,” and gave a little lecture about how that was the opposite of a utopia. My daughter listened patiently.

About a week later, as we continued with A Wrinkle in Time, I asked in a teacherly voice, “Now do you remember the word for the opposite of utopia?”

“Metopia,” she said, without missing a beat. It took me a moment to get the joke.

Everyday life in Utopia and Metopia!

Behind-the-scenes revelation: I use this story as part of my conclusion for Before and After. (As a writer, my speciaity is writing endings. The ending of Happier at Home may be the best thing I’ve ever written.)

Because it really does seem to me that when we think about all the resolutions we might follow, or all the habits we might change, we’re aiming at getting as close as possible to everyday life in Utopia.

Agree, disagree?

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I'm deep in the writing of my next book, Before and After, about making and breaking habits, and there's nothing more satisfying than reading the success stories of people who have changed a habit. If you have a Before-and-After story of a habit you changed, and you're willing to share it here on the blog, please contact me here. Once a week, I'll post a story. We can all learn from each other.

Will I See You on My Book Tour in January?

HappierAtHomePaperbackDid I mention that the paperback of Happier at Home comes out in a few weeks? Oh right, I think maybe I did.

The publication of a paperback is a weirdly thrilling moment for an author, and I’m especially looking forward to my book tour. I love to meet readers face to face, so I hope to see many of you along the way:

Washington, D.C.  — January 8, 2014 7:00 PM

Sixth & I, 600 I Street NW

Tickets are $15, or $20 includes a book.

Contact Sixth & I for details.

Phone:  202-408-3100

*

Philadelphia, PA — January 9, 2014 7:00 PM

The James Lorah House, 132 N. Main St, Doylestown, PA

Ticketed event (includes book).

Contact Doylestown Books for details.

Phone: 215-230-7610

*

Austin, TX — January 13, 2014 7:00 PM

Book People, 603 N. Lamar Boulevard

Free & open to the public.

Phone:  512-472-5050

*

Denver, CO — January 15, 2014 7:30 PM

Tattered Cover, 9315 Dorchester Street, Highlands Ranch, CO

Free & open to the public.

Phone:   303-322-1965

*

Phoenix, AZ — January 17, 2014 7:00 PM

Changing Hands, 6428 S. McClintock Drive, Tempe, AZ

Ticket (admits two) is free when you purchase Happier at Home.

Phone:  480-730-1142

*

Portland, OR  — January 21, 2014 7:00 PM

Powell’s Books, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Boulevard, Beaverton, OR

Free & open to the public.

Phone: 503-228-4651

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San Francisco, CA  — January 22, 2014 7:00 PM

Books, Inc. in Opera Plaza, 601 Van Ness Avenue

Free & open to the public.

Phone: 415-776-1111

*

San Francisco, CA  — January 23, 2014 7:30 PM

Kepler’s, 1010 El Camino Real, Menlo Park, CA

Free & open to the public.

Phone: 650-324-4321

Double-check all details before you show up! You never know when something might change.

Now, why am I going to these particular cities? First—and more important—some kind bookseller or events organizer wants me there. Which I very much appreciate. Also, these are cities that I didn’t get to visit when I toured for the hardback launch (though I am returning to San Francisco).

If you live in Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, Austin, Denver, Phoenix, Portland, or San Francisco, I hope to see you in January. Please come, spread the word, bring your friends.

This paperback launch is especially fun for me, because I love the new jacket design for the paperback. What do you think?

Paperback:

HappierAtHomePaperback

Hardback:

Rubi_9780307886781_jkt_all_r11.indd

 

So mark your calendar, see you in January! (Is anyone else in shock that 2013 is almost over? The days are long, but the years are short.)

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“Self-Deception Remains the Most Difficult Deception.”

didion“Although to be driven back upon oneself is an uneasy affair at best, rather like trying to cross a border with borrowed credentials, it seems to me now the one condition necessary to the beginnings of real self-respect. Most of our platitudes notwithstanding, self-deception remains the most difficult deception. The tricks that work on others count or nothing in that very well-lit back alley where one keeps assignations with oneself: no winning smiles will do here, no prettily drawn lists of good intentions.”

– Joan Didion, “On Self-Respect,” in Slouching Towards Bethlehem

Self-knowledge! All my study of happiness, and habits, brings me continually back to the challenge of self-knowledge. It sounds so easy — after all, I hang out with myself all day long — but it’s tremendously challenging. Every day, I remind myself to Be Gretchen, to accept myself and also to expect more from myself.

Do you find it difficult to fight the impulse toward self-deception?

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Before and After: Wake Up 15 Minutes Earlier, and Put the Alarm Clock Out of Reach.

HabitsRepeatFourI’m writing my next book, Before and After, about how we make and break habits–an issue  very relevant to happiness. Each week, I post a before-and-after story submitted by a reader, about how he or she successfully changed a habit. We can all learn from each other. If you’d like to share your story, contact me here.

This week’s story comes from Patrik Edblad–check out his site at Selfication.

I used to set my alarm clock as late as possible each day, and then hit the snooze button at least one or two times before getting out of bed each morning. As I’m sure a lot of people can relate to, this sort of morning routine is far from ideal, as your day gets a very stressful start and often leads to being late.

 

After a couple of attempts at becoming an early riser and having a taste of the benefits it has, I decided to really commit to it and devoted myself to understanding the mechanics of habit creation and how I could re-programme my brain to love 6 am. I learned that a habit consists of a cue, a routine, and a reward and that I needed to optimize all of them have a successful habit change.

 

I knew from experience that setting my alarm to 6 am when I was used to 8 am wasn’t going to work in the long run, so I instead committed to pushing the time back for just 15 minutes once a week to give my brain a better chance of adapting.

 

Starting out, my cue was my alarm clock which was neatly put just out of arm’s reach so that I had to get out of bed before I could turn it off. This routine made it much more likely to stay up than if I gave myself the chance to snooze.

 

As a reward I used the awesome habit app “Lift” and crossed off waking up early. Lift is designed to keep track of your habit-building streaks, and as I put in more and more days without failing to get up on time, the more I didn’t want to break the chain.

 

As I started my days, I knew that I needed to expose myself to a lot of light to help my brain set its circadian clock to a light-dark cycle of my choice, so I went ahead and turned on a lot of lights as soon as I got up (it’s ridiculously dark in northern Sweden this time of year).

 

Today I almost always wake before my alarm goes off at 6 am and spend my mornings taking walks, planning my days and doing meditation. This way I’m much more productive, feel better and show up on time.

I’ve noticed that when people successfully change a habit, they often use several strategies simultaneously. We need a lot of fire-power to change our habits! He’s using the Strategy of Convenience, the Strategy of Starting, and the Strategy of Monitoring.

If you’re interested in how people’s sleep habits are affected by light, I highly recommend Till Roenneberg’s Internal Time: Chronotypes, Social Jet Lag, and Why You’re So Tired.

Waking up earlier isn’t a habit solution for everyone, but for many people, it’s a great way to get more out of the day. (Want a painless way to get an extra hour in your day? Try this.)

Have you ever tried to start waking up earlier? What strategy did you use?

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A Lagniappe For You (That Is, a Bonus Gift for You).

cracker-jackI have many pet words, such as winkle, chirk, and mellifluous, and one of my favorites is lagniappe: something given as a bonus or extra gift. That’s the extra doughnut in the baker’s dozen, or the prize in the Cracker Jack’s, or the tote bag you get for coming to an event.

Now I’ve prepared a lagniappe for you.

The paperback of Happier at Home is coming out in a few weeks. If you pre-order, I’ll send you a nifty Tips Sheet of  “9 Extremely Quick and Easy Steps to Become Happier at Home.” “Quick and easy,” meaning, steps you can take in the next ten minutes, and that take almost no extra time, energy, or money.

You can pre-order the book here, and you can sign up to get the Tips Sheet here.

To keep this process quick and easy, you don’t have to submit any proof of purchase. I’m doing this on the honor system.  So be honest! Also, if you’ve already pre-ordered, and now you’d like to get the Tips Sheet, go ahead and sign up.

For most of us, it’s a lot easier to be happy when we feel happier at home, and sometimes very small changes can make a big difference.

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