It’s Friday: time to think about YOUR Happiness Project. This week: Invent a tradition. Like a holiday breakfast.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you should have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in — no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

My resolutions include Be a treasure house of happy memories and Take time for projects. As part of these resolutions, I’ve done a lot of thinking about family traditions.

Traditions make occasions feel special and exciting. They mark the passage of time in a happy way. They provide a sense of anticipation, security and continuity.

Studies show that family traditions support children’s social development and strengthen family cohesiveness. They provide the connection and predictability that people crave. I know that I enjoy a holiday more when I know exactly what we’re going to do, and when we’re going to do it.

At the same time, most traditions (other than the tradition of ordering a pizza during the Super Bowl) involve a fair amount of trouble and are potential source of guilt if they aren’t maintained: the expectation of special decorations, special food, a special sequence of events, and participation by the whole family.

So a good happiness-project assignment is: Think about your traditions. Could you make them more meaningful, fun, or painless? Also, you don’t need to wait for traditions to emerge spontaneously. A “new tradition” may be a bit of an oxymoron, but that shouldn’t stop you from inventing a great tradition.

A friend of mine has a great new tradition.

Because of her family’s schedules, they have a tough time eating dinner together. So now she organizes holiday breakfasts.

I happened to stop by her house yesterday, and I saw how she’d set the table for the Valentine’s Day breakfast. Nothing too elaborate, but very decorated and fun – heart-shaped placemats, some candy, sticky-pads in the shape of hearts, love notes, etc.

I think this is a FANTASTIC idea. Festive, easy to set the table the night before, easy to schedule, and just the kind of observation that kids love. Or adults, for that matter. The Big Man would have been very enthusiastic about a Valentine’s Day breakfast even before we had children.

This reminded me of my Eighth Commandment to “Identify the problem.” My friend didn’t waste time fretting because she couldn’t get everyone together for dinner; instead she came up with an excellent solution.

“I’m copying you, one hundred percent,” I told her. “Valentine’s, Halloween, Fourth of July – holiday breakfasts from now on!”

So…any ideas for how to do a President’s Day breakfast? I may have to wait for a slightly more colorful holiday to inaugurate my new copy-cat tradition.

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On his blog Practical Personal Development, Alex Shalman is running a series of fascinating interviews by different bloggers on the nature of happiness — and the title of this series is…The Happiness Project! (No relation.) He was kind enough to interview me about happiness. Lots of interesting commentary by great bloggers.

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New to the Happiness Project? Consider subscribing to my RSS feed: Subscribe to this blog’s feed. Or sign up to get email updates in the box at the top righthand corner.
If you’re starting your own happiness project, please join the Happiness Project Group on Facebook to swap ideas. It’s easy; it’s free.

A new way to celebrate Valentine’s Day — and one that doesn’t involve shopping, crafts, or calories.

Today is Valentine’s Day, a day associated with romantic love and exchanging gifts with your sweetheart.

But you can use the day to celebrate other kinds of love, too. The Greek word agape is defined in various ways, but according to one definition, agape means a selfless, benevolent, active love for mankind.

One of my most important Happiness-Project resolutions is to Give proofs of love. As Pierre Reverdy wrote, “There is no love; there are only proofs of love.” In other words, instead of claiming to feel love, I must show my love through actions.

“But,” you’re thinking, “I can think of ways to give a proof of love to my sweetheart (bring home flowers, clean out the garage), but how do I give a proof of love to mankind in general?”

It’s easy!

Be an organ donor. First, sign up on your state’s registry (do this even if you’ve already signed an organ donor card, to make sure you’re in the online registry, which is far more accessible to doctors). Second, talk it over with your family.

This second step is CRUCIAL. States differ about what happens if a person has signed up to donate but the family doesn’t want to donate, but whatever the law holds, it’s a tough situation.

Organ donation takes place at a time of shock and grief. Make it easy on your family by letting them know – from your own mouth – what you want them to do.

So today, in honor of Valentine’s Day, while you’re drinking champagne, or eating chocolates, or grousing about what a silly, consumerist holiday it is, take a minute to PROVE YOUR LOVE by telling your family you want to donate your organs. (Yes, it’s slightly out of step with the mood induced by champagne and chocolate, but do it anyway.)

Most likely, you’re making the decision to donate your organs now, in the abstract, out of agape, but one day it may be your sweetheart who is waiting for that phone call from the hospital, to say that an organ donor has been found.

So, really. Bring it up at dinner tonight.

Your Valentine’s Day today could mean that, five years from now, several people’s lives will be saved. That’s better than cards or chocolate. That’s proof of love.

And appropriately enough, I just discovered, today is National Organ Donor Day.

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Along with agape, another kind of love is family love. Check out my one-minute internet movie, The Years Are Short.

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New to the Happiness Project? Consider subscribing to my RSS feed: Subscribe to this blog’s feed. Or sign up to get email updates in the box at the top righthand corner.
If you’re starting your own happiness project, please join the Happiness Project Group on Facebook to swap ideas. It’s easy; it’s free.

This Wednesday: Ten tips for living a better life, one day at a time — from Pope XXIII.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Ten tips for living a better life, one day at a time — from Pope XXIII.

One of the most important strategies of my Happiness Project has been keeping my Resolutions Chart. It provides accountability, it prompts me to review all my resolutions once a day, it gives me the gold stars I crave — when I manage to follow my resolutions. (If you’d like to receive a copy, check the left-hand column for instructions.)

I love reading other people’s resolutions, their personal commandments, their to-do lists, and a thoughtful reader sent me the link to the daily decalogue of Pope John XXIII. Pope John XXIII was pope from 1958-1963 and was known as “The Good Pope.”

It’s interesting to see that this list emphasizes taking each day as it comes. This mindset can be hugely helpful. Instead of allowing yourself to become overwhelmed and discouraged by imagining how hard it would be to keep your resolutions for the rest of your life, you just take it day by day (or Bird by Bird for you Anne Lamott fans).

Alcoholics Anonymous follows this same approach – emphasizing “one day at a time” to keep a difficult change manageable.

So here are ten tips from Pope John XXIII about how to live a better life, day to day:

1. Only for today, I will seek to live the livelong day positively without wishing to solve the problems of my life all at once.

2. Only for today, I will take the greatest care of my appearance: I will dress modestly; I will not raise my voice; I will be courteous in my behavior; I will not criticize anyone; I will not claim to improve or to discipline anyone except myself.

3. Only for today, I will be happy in the certainty that I was created to be happy, not only in the other world but also in this one.

4. Only for today, I will adapt to circumstances, without requiring all circumstances to be adapted to my own wishes.

5. Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul.

6. Only for today, I will do one good deed and not tell anyone about it.

7. Only for today, I will do at least one thing I do not like doing; and if my feelings are hurt, I will make sure that no one notices.

8. Only for today, I will make a plan for myself: I may not follow it to the letter, but I will make it. And I will be on guard against two evils: hastiness and indecision.

9. Only for today, I will firmly believe, despite appearances, that the good Providence of God cares for me as no one else who exists in this world.

10. Only for today, I will have no fears. In particular, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe in goodness. Indeed, for 12 hours I can certainly do what might cause me consternation were I to believe I had to do it all my life.

To conclude: here is an all-embracing resolution: “I want to be kind, today and always, to everyone.”

I’ve started to think more about kindness. I thought of it as an important but bland virtue (in the same class as reliability and dutifulness), but I suspect that I’ve been overlooking something very important. I was just reading Henry James, who echoed the sentiment above: “Three things in human life are important: The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.”

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Speaking of tip lists, the great site Gimundo has a terrific post about Five Ways to Break Your Shopping Addiction. The advice is useful even if you’re not “addicted,” but just trying to shop in a smarter way.

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New to the Happiness Project? Consider subscribing to my RSS feed: Subscribe to this blog’s feed. Or sign up to get email updates in the box at the top righthand corner.
If you’re starting your own happiness project, please join the Happiness Project Group on Facebook to swap ideas. It’s easy; it’s free.

A critical issue for harmony in marriage: Child-rearing? Money? Religion? How about…when to leave for the airport.

People know that in marriage, it’s important to agree on the important issues.

But before you’re married, you don’t know what issues are going to end up being important.

I’m convinced that a major source of harmony in my marriage is that the Big Man and I are both early-arrivers.

We like to get to places early. We always have plenty of time in the airport. We often have to stall just before going into a party, so we don’t ring the buzzer before the official start time. Whenever we meet friends someplace, I know that the Big Man will be the first one there, and I’ll be the second. (It’s nice: we always have a few minutes to catch up, just the two of us.)

Once, when we were going to Kansas City, I realized at the airport that I’d left my ID at home. We had so much time that I left the Big Man with the bags, turned around, went all the way back home, came back to the airport, and still made the plane.

So we never bicker about timing.

Some people are late-arrivers. Some of my best friends — and my own father — are late-arrivers. These are the folks who sprint through train stations, who pay the late pick-up penalty at day care, who say, “If you’ve never missed a plane, you’re spending too much time in airports.”

For them, it’s a hobby and a challenge. The Big Man and I prefer to have plenty of time. And that’s a suprisingly important source of harmony.

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Via Ben Casnocha’s terrific blog, I found this very insightful post by Marshall Goldsmith about why it’s not always a good idea to try to “add value” to other people’s ideas. I absolutely agree. I’m a real know-it-all, and recently realized just how annoying that probably is — so have been trying to work on this for the last several months.

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New to the Happiness Project? Consider subscribing to my RSS feed: Subscribe to this blog’s feed. Or sign up to get email updates in the box at the top righthand corner.
If you’re starting your own happiness project, please join the Happiness Project Group on Facebook to swap ideas. It’s easy; it’s free.

A romantic weekend without children – a happiness booster, as experts predict.

A common piece of advice given to married people is to try to take occasional vacations together, without children.

When the Big Man and I go on vacation, usually we’re with not only our children, but also with his parents or my parents. For the first time in a long time, the Big Man and I went away this weekend together, with no family.

It was great.

As much joy as children bring, they’re also a source of conflict. There’s more work to be done, more aggravation, and less freedom. Days have to be scheduled around their meals, naps, and interests.

When it’s just the two of us, we find it easy to be agreeable, accommodating, and thoughtful. It’s a reminder of the romantic love that is still there, hidden beneath the surface of everyday bustle.

Also, when we’re at home, we get absorbed in our own tasks. Nursery-school children do “parallel play,” where they play side by side without actually engaging with each other. The Big Man and I have a lot of “parallel play” time when he’s working on his laptop and I’m working on my laptop, or he’s checking the Internet and I’m answering emails.

During our get-away weekend, though, we spent minimal time on electronic devices, and more time with each other.

One of my resolutions is to Spend money to further my happiness-project goals, and spending money on a weekend trip was good bang for the buck.

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A question for readers: to make my site more visually interesting and less crowded with text, I’ve made the images larger and added some pictures here and there. I worry that this might mean that it takes too long for the site to load. If you’ve noticed a slow-down that’s significant enough to be annoying, I’d appreciate you leaving a quick note to let me know.

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New to the Happiness Project? Consider subscribing to my RSS feed: Subscribe to this blog’s feed. Or sign up to get email updates in the box at the top righthand corner.
If you’re starting your own happiness project, please join the Happiness Project Group on Facebook to swap ideas. It’s easy; it’s free.